alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
