i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
