I am puke
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
