found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
