Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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