I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
