Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
