His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
