My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
high people should be assigned attendants
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
