I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
