I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
