Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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