I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
