You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
