Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
