I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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