Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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