the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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