i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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