I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
