his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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