i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
