Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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