my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
