just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
