and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
