You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
