All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
