I looked at my own cervix.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
