Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
