we have officially lost it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
