Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
