Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
