Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
