SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
