I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
