I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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