No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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