You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
