i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
