It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my shit smells like andre
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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