i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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