Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
