Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
