"it" just moved
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
