I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
