So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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