Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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