I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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