Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
