My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think my moral compass just broke
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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