Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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